Translated article for the European Suzuki Association

Struggling parents and struggling children

The Dutch ‘Suzikinieuws’ is pleased if someone is contributing a piece. When I was asked for this I immediately replied: “ah, yes, well of course…I wouldn’t mind a column”. “A column?” “All right”. Apparently it’s that easy. As far as I am concerned a column it is. Thoughts, normally quickly to evaporate, now written down may impose on other peoples thoughts, hopefully with a smile and in a (self)reflectory way. My columns (I have planned five for the time being) will be about the learning of music and all that’s concerned with it.

With this first column I am falling right into your doorstep. Tiresome struggling Parents and struggling children. That doesn’t sound nice. I am holding up this mirror and I presume both parents and children, turning pages in this Suzukinewsletter, will have a quick glance into it. And I will take it myself as well. At times it isn’t easy. Or perhaps quite often. I am having two of my own and once a while I am conversing with the other parents. Most of us know. Children that are regularly refusing to practice, practising poorly, moaning, not knowing why they would and should. For themselves, for their parents, for their teacher? Or for the audience …? And then the parents themselves? For whom are they putting on the effort? “Oh it seems such fun, to be able to do such things”, easily could be the remark from someone who oneself isn’t able to play an instrument. Perhaps there is another ‘noblest’ possibility we should not miss: for music itself?

All these reasons, nice and ugly, are together a reason for music to exist, it being performed and listened to. In short our culture. And of course that happens to be ‘the reason to live’ by some people and a ‘rat race’ for others. Like sports, it is about stretching abilities both solo and at working together. A game with emotions and focused on emotions. And then above this, there is music as the language of our feelings. It is quite understandable that learning to play this instrument with its stuck upon repertoire asks a great deal and demands struggling once in a while. But struggling with what? It is something that a violinist is struggling with a piece but something else that children are struggling with their violin, and with the why, with themselves and with their parents. The music, the violin, the ‘development’?

I would wish, for both parents and children, to throw in some encouraging words but as well to offer an positive perspective. Because few of us know how it works, being able to offer a good climate for learning right from the start. Parents with experience, having older children in a row or from their own childhood, although this experience often no longer happens to works. Others because they’re just naturals. The rest of us have to swim and everybody is trying to find ways, once in a while struggling, to get from A to B. And many strugglers or those who do not want to, throw in their gloves. We have our teachers with a positive influence, very crucial. And there is the violinmethod of Shinichi Suzuki of which I will speak of as the positive perspective.

Suzuki puts emphasis on the pleasure children should have learning their instrument. He sees learning as an combination of pleasure (through the positive attitude from both parents and teachers and the offering of niece pieces right from the start) and practising intensively (following a good plan with good teachers). I have noticed that these building blocks don’t easily fit our situation especially concerning the attitude of parents and practising habits. We are living in another part of the world and in another time. It seems to me that a kind of serenity is asked for, in high contrast with the Western hectic of our ongoing daily life, extended even in our homes. How is it possible to accomplish this beautiful thing for our children, discovering the possibilities to make music and finding challenge to engage in mastering a very difficult instrument, when they all ready at their age are having a full schedule with all kinds of obligations.
The answer to my mind nevertheless still lies in the basic combination of pleasure and challenge. Because that is the way it is working not only for music but for everything else as well. It being football (mine are boys) or computergames; there have to be elements that are pulling them in and that’s often through them picturing their possibilities and developing an urge to excel. And beyond ‘normal activities’, making music stands out as the bringing alive of feelings, for both musicians and listeners. Challenge, self-confidence and musicality. Children have tot discover this in their own way. And I am noticing that as far as my children are concerned, it is working.
Teachers and parents should help by this. By acknowledging that every moment there is an chance to change course for the better. By making practising a normal daily routine as much as possible, thereby smoothing the learning process and not wasting energy all the time in starts and stops. By organising nice things to accompany the learning and the making of music. And with all of this, the legacy of Suzuki plays an important role: be sure to have pleasure and practice fiercely. Because without pleasure no struggling is to survive!

To be continued!

Frank Kleemans is an organisation psychologist, housefather and homemusician. He plays violin and composes www.kleemans.dds.nl. He has two children that follow lessons with Olga Hamer.